In Love and Ruining It -

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In Love and Ruining It

There’s a finish line on everything here on the face of the Earth. There’s an end to every single tear and sadness, end to poverty, end to the seemingly endless troubles of the world. There’s an end to laughter, joyful singing, and the simple contentment in life. It may be death.

But before even meeting with Death, you need to have the Deathly Hallows. No, this is not about Harry Potter and his friends. It’s all about you and your loved one. It’s about killing your very good chances of living your entire life with someone you’ll grow old with.

My Amnesia Girl is one of 2010’s best Rom-Com movies. Not that I’m promoting it for free. For me, I had fun, I’ve been touched, and I’ve been moved to write your newest checklist to make sure that you do not RUIN IT.

My Amnesia Girl

Soul mates but not one soul

The Clash of the Titans is an everyday picture in Mount Olympus and so is fight in a relationship. It is inevitable. If only men could read through women’s minds, there would be no more world war or probably global warming and even cancer. There would be fewer problems in the world.

But men cannot read through women’s minds—not anyone I know, at least. So remember that the misunderstandings, arguments and sometimes endless nagging will always be in a relationship. So don’t take every single fight too seriously. Take each on as chances to get to know each other better, opportunities to improve your personality and how you face challenges, and ways to know how to get through it in case you get to that ten feet brick wall again.

After knowing each other for years, you’d probably have the same opinions, hobbies, likes, hates, pet peeves, or even favorite brand of underwear. But never assume that you’ll be the same all through out. Being a member of the opposite sex lays the reality out flat that you two, although pieces of a single puzzle are still different entities that should work together—like spoon and fork. Two different personalities that almost perfectly blend in with each other. ALMOST.

So personality and choice differences, exchange of angry barks, nights of sleeping out, walking-out-at-each-other at the mall moments, hurtful trade of lexis, painful stares, days of cold treatment, and endless hanging up on the phone, is lock, stock and barrel inevitable. Expect them but do your best to stay away from these bumps in the already rutted road.

Control only yourself

When you love a person, you love them for who they are until you find out more of his or her not-so-good characteristics. Sometimes, you want to make it work by trying to change the person that you love. But love never works that way. You can never love a person who you do not accept as a whole. Never expect the other to change his ways just to please you. And never force him to do what you want just to keep you.

Start with yourself if you really need the other to change some of his ways. Talk less and listen more. Appreciate the smallest things he does, and say it—out loud. The smallest things always make the difference.

When you start to like each other, you like each other because of the things that attract you. But when you get to know each other for seven long years, it’s quite a challenge to stay liking each other for the simple things that attracted at first. The more negative characteristics you find out about the other, the less and less you get interested in that individuality that engrossed you at the beginning. So when things get difficult, check your motives.

People change in the course of time; we all grow and earn maturity and sometimes, our priorities change too. But we can only control our own thoughts, actions, and words. We should never wish the other person to change so that the relationship would work.

But you can establish transformation within yourself, not the other person.

In Love and Ruining It

Be clear and be firm

In this relationship, you should know what you want and spread that on the table. This may be too blunt and straight to the point but it somehow puts everything in plain site that you will skip the years of trying to figure each other out. Tell him what makes you furious and what makes your blood boil. Tell him what melts your heart.

This doesn’t have to be discussed all in one sitting. At every road block you might encounter and you find that it’s new to both of you, then talk about it. Set the rules straight and clear. It won’t hurt if you two talk about some rules between the two of you. Like in the case of my long distance relationship with my Honey, hanging up the phone is unacceptable. For us, it’s alright to walk out when you’re really infuriated but it’s never OK to lay a hurtful hand on each other. You can say anything you want especially words of love and affection but you have to swallow all offensive words. In fact, you can delete offensive from your vast vocabulary of words.

These are just few of the rules that work for us and they all serve as building blocks, if not foundation, to our still-going-strong connection.

Think before you talk

Talking should be the main communication between you two. Body language is, of course, the one next to that. But remember that in the middle of a fight, when you are at the verge of bursting and exploding every hot molten emotion into spewing hurtful words, stop and THINK!

Words can never be taken back and sometimes, sorry is not enough to mend the damage that has already been done. So, I cannot say this enough: think twice.

I cannot reiterate it enough that fights are inevitable. Clashes of two personalities that are tested by time, patience, and when you get to your trouble’s climax that your intentions are windswept, keep in your heart that, again, fights are inevitable—as in normal. It is and will always be part of a relationship. The only solution is to get over the hurdle in that steep and bumpy road and accept. Having fights doesn’t mean you two have to break up and call it quits.

Never getting used to fights is a really a good sign after almost a decade of going steady. When you hurt more because the half of your heart is hurting.

Never be predictable

You sound like a recorded tape shouting at him each time he comes home late. Every time you open your mouth, you repeat issues about your past clashes. Even you yourself get tired of it. It’s always the same old shit. Guess what? So is he.

“Fireproof doesn’t mean fire will never come. It only means you’ll be able to withstand it”

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