How a Person Feels When Astray, Empty, When the End is Inevitable, Unexpected, and Winning Even When Losing

How a person feels
How a person feels...

when astray

Whether straying alone, with a companion, or with a group – you are still straying. Say astray once again just to reiterate the feeling of straying. So like scattered sheep with no shepherd to lead, thus is how it feels when you are a team member from a team which is no longer thus. Everyone is left to mingle with another group as if it is a first meeting between complete strangers. Those who can easily adapt to the new environment have great chances of surviving while those who are too entangled with former team mates may end up completely lost in a desolate call center floor with other customer care agents who are busy buzzing around.

...when empty

Empty. Being astray makes one feel empty. There is emptiness from losing a leader for whatever metrical standards and business policies there is. There is emptiness from being a team broken apart and scattered like stray sheep. There is emptiness from not having the power to easily adapt to new environment the way a chameleon does.

Empty. The production floor is still full but empty. Where are half of the people we used to be acquainted with? They are in the book of history of the so-called business etiquette. They have resigned, have been transferred to other line of businesses, or have been terminated.

Empty. Emptiness is present in both metaphor and oxymoron. The busy buzzing around of remaining agents fills the whole measured floor but had been emptied by seats left empty. The thoughts and feelings of being astray fills the mind but is emptied whole by desolation.

Empty, that’s all there is to say.

...when the end is inevitable

There is always an end, so the question is when? The sooner it ends the better. No one wants to wait and be left hanging with empty hopes and false promises. No one wants to assume and not really knowing why.

Yet much as no one wants to have anything end, it is inevitable. There is always an end as much as there is a beginning. A simple cycle this is to life.

The question of when is this end going to happen is as important as how it is to occur. I am not one of those who make a fuss over planetary movements, Nostradamus, and Bible Revelations to the end times. No one can have it predicted. To assume that it is too soon to happen is more factual than to say it happens soon.

This is not even about that.

The stray flock of sheep was once a solid group – unmoved as one. Finally broken a once unbreakable team, one member said as if it is of relief. Finally ended I would have said, just sad how it ended.

So how an end happens is as painful as when it happens.

...when the end is unexpected

I knew it is to end soon since last year. A year passing by does not sound soon though but it ends anyway. Everything and everyone is passing by like leaves flowing over gentle flowing waters. The impact is soft yet powerful.

Everyone always leaves so I recall from last year. From the first ever shepherd to the next who was coincidentally her ex-beau, to the formidable leader, to the weak link, to the smart now abroad boss, and recent fallen leader. With two essential members leaving then followed by one more, the end becomes more apparent.

Now, one other leaving and one with no other choice but to leave – I mirror the same plight as the latter one. That end is surely not what I expected.

I knew it is to end but did not have a clue how it is to end. The place is very convenient for a work location, being just 5 minutes away from home through a jeepney ride. The pay is not as promising but the people are heartwarming. These cannot be traded for high paying jobs in very far metro areas.

Yet I have no choice now but to trade the convenience of a work location near with warm folks to very far metro areas with high paying jobs. The end did not give a choice but to have me leave.

...winning even when losing

Win some, loose some. So this time there is lost. But all is not lost as there is always a new beginning after an end.

The new beginning promises higher pay, new environment, new people. It also does not make me in any way a looser over a colored African-American woman (I would have just used the “N” word had it not been the very reason one end ended). She has prepaid mobile service, I have postpaid. She calls in for credit adjustments, I don’t. She is always going to be darker even with bleach. I have a perfect Filipino skin which most other races envy. She will continue to have plump lips with uneducated words aimed at anyone she pleases. I may stoop down to her level as I did now but I am always pliant like a bamboo and learn in humility.

This is not about racism. I am no racist. I have been called names though I don’t sound like an Indian. I am neither intimidated even when belittled as an underpaid offshore agent receiving less than a quarter of what onshore representatives receive. I just know that I win even if I lose (refers to aforementioned details above).

I win because I can shove off callers now who we nonchalantly call “hampaslupang frog.” Not that they are belittled or looked down upon in their dilemma over prepaid credits. But the lack of respect for one’s self and towards another over pennies is indescribable. To intimidate a lesser paid worker when you have no money to refill your phone minutes with is also unbelievable. To treat others the way you are treated is the worse of its kind.

True, I maybe referring to myself (points to above paragraph) when I used the infamous “N” word, but this is only for today. I am a better person in general and will learn from this experience. I still win in spite of the lost.

These are how a person feels during such circumstances... that person is me.
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